so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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