my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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