Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
