He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
