Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
