I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
