While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
