My room smells like vodka and shame
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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