I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
