I'm lost and stupid without you.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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