his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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