Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
