my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
