Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
