You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
