I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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