Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
