I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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