i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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