Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
