if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
