i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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