I faked an abortion last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize