It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
