i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
