FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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