Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize