There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
