I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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