Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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