I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
