I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
