I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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