Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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