genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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