I wish I could teleport
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
