It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
