I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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