How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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