he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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