is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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