oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im holly from the hills drunk
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
