i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize