call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
