nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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