So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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