Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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