my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
