so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
