he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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