Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
