Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
