if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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