Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
