Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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