all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
