he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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