why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
