My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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