I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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