I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
