Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
