Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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