non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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