so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
