He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
