Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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