I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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