I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
