sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
