He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
