I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
