i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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