It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
