Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
