Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
