Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You ruined the universe
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
