He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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