o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
