I think i sorta joined a cult last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
