spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
