my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize