thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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