did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
