how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
