Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So many bounce houses so little time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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