Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize