Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
