The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
