We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
