she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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