It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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