I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
