im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
