Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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