Capitaan dildo arrescate!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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