He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
