it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
