I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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