She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
