I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
